P.S. Stop, purple thief!

I almost forgot to mention that amidst the purple pleasantries happening at my house this weekend, there's been one piece of purple mischief which has really cheesed me off. I've been growing chives in a garden box in front of my house, transplants from my mum-in-law's garden. Two surprise purple onions appeared in there as well. I've kept a proud eye on their progress, and was planning to ceremoniously harvest the larger of the onions this week. But. Sometime in the past 24 hours, some person got hold of one of my hand tools, dug up part of my garden box, and made off with my big purple onion! I've got a giant bag of onions inside my house, thief. If you'd have come knocking, I would have been willing to share. But you stole my smelly purple baby! Not okay!

By the way, are you the same person who broke into my car a couple weeks ago and helped yourself to my ashtray stash of quarters, on the one day I didn't lock up at the public pool adjacent to the high school? You might think you're pretty tough, stealing change, but let me tell you, kid, the bad karma's far worse when you steal somebody's lucky color. Your tell-tale onion breath may lead you to ruin. All I can say is, brush your teeth. Brush your teeth!