Stuff I Didn't Buy

As my great-granny used to drawl, "I didn't shet my eyes fer sleep all night!" Today I am absolutely hammered, and so far have been good for much of nothing. About the time I should have been thinking about making lunch, the idea to pay a visit to D.I. seemed like a stroke of genius, so off I went, praying I wouldn't crash the car in my fuzz-brained state. Oh, the siren song of thrift shopping!

I did have the presence of mind to say no to all but two of the items that ended up in my cart. Want to see the rejects that tried unsuccessfully to follow me home? Analyze if you must.

Fabulous shades, heavyweight, the real vintage deal. Wouldn't stay up on my nose. Must have originally belonged to a true melon head.

Bipolar toothbrush-holding(?) lidded ceramic thingie: violent electrical storm assaulting a lonely homestead on one side... peaceful moonlight fishing scene on the other. What I want to know is, who hooked the trout?

A pattern for making felt baked goods. (Instead of this I bought a Portuguese cake pan that makes a giant bundt flower. It's my standard policy to always go for the most edible option.)

Another pattern. Anybody else remember Walt West, the man who for so many years ran the best used bookstore in Provo? He was, I'm guessing, Mensa smart, and he always wore the cutest old guy blue coveralls. I just know that every time we stopped in to browse Walt's shop Rob secretly wished for his very own manly jumpsuit. What do you think—maybe in something jazzy, like sharkskin? Shoulda bought this one.

Maternity. Size D. Eggshell. Scary packaging. "PANTYHOSE." Five excellent reasons to go without stockings "while I wait."

Goose dervishes.

Oh, wow! A really beautifully made granny blanket. Practically perfect in every way except I didn't want to spend $20.

A mysterious little safety film tin that I couldn't bear not to open. Inside was Pandora's Candle, talk about troubling! It was the same color as, and I'm not kidding, the EXACT same scent as Silly Putty. Nasty. Not something you really want to burn. 

An inflatable "Get Well Soon!" pooch. You and all your friends can sign your names and sympathies all over him and then give him to somebody you know who needs some cheering up. Hint: Plastic wiener dogs go great with helium. 

Collectible Christmas tree ornaments, because nothing captures the beautiful spirit of the the season quite like a dirty vodka martini. Really? 

Giant sprouting jar. A little too much live food to feel comfortable handling all at once. What if all those sprouts started cooperating and turned on me?

And the pièce de résistance, this—

Go ahead, click the image two times for a closer view. Can you find Cheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong? Dinosaurs? Robots? Cowboys with smoking guns? What else? This is I Spy at its best, or at least, its cheapest. Talk to me. Sure it's cryptic... but is it art?