I've had a lot on my mind lately that I mean to journal and blog about, but the days have been so full that I've not stolen much time from the dailies to write. Any little spare time I've had I've spent knitting for the gold and . . . well, I'll save the rest of the details for my next blog entry.
In the meantime, I want to post another song lyric here, not as mere filler, but as something I want to have stashed someplace because it's one of my all-time favorite mantras and too often I lose track of it and then have to rediscover it. The other day after an extremely distressing scene at home with The Ancestor, I went out by myself to do some errands and cranked up the radio--when I'm making a solo trip, I sometimes enjoy manically scanning the dial for energetic sing-alongs. I was still coming down from an anxiety flood, and willing the tears in my eyes to evaporate, when I found this beauty:
thank u
by alanis morrisette
how bout getting off these antibiotics
how bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how bout them transparent dangling carrots
how bout that ever elusive kudo
thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence
how bout me not blaming you for everything
how bout me enjoying the moment for once
how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how bout grieving it all one at a time
thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence
the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down
how bout no longer being masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping
thank you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence
It was the perfect time to hear this song. It made me smile all the way down to my guts and yeah, I sang along as loudly as I could, and I didn't care who sniggered at me in traffic.
I "get" it. I love it.
Oh, and thank you too, grandmother.
8 comments:
I love that song, too! And I always sort of felt weird about loving it so much because I wasn't such an Alanis fan. But THAT song was really, really REAL. And how 'bout shooting a video buck-nekkid in your regular, average body? That's guts. Bless you for loving The Ancestor and trying so hard to make things good for her...XOXOXOX
Did she really do that? And does she really have a regular, average body? Shows you how much teevee I watch. I can't say I love all her songs, but there are a few that really hit the mark, and this is one of them. When I like Alanis, I love her. I say she's bipolar, but that's maybe just my own bad chemistry talking!
As for blessings, they're already mine. The Ancestor is teaching me things right now that she hasn't a clue are anywhere in the grand lesson plan. I wonder what she'll learn from all of this, I mean, when the hard stuff is over for her. I'm glad to know our learning and processing doesn't end with this life. See? Alanis scores again--death doesn't equate with stopping.
You know, nothing has made me bend and stretch and grow as much as being a mom and while it is painful , I know Heavenly Father is orchestrating all of it to make me grow. I am glad you can feel that in your relationship with Gram. There are just things we learn from intimate family relationships that simply cannot be taught anywhere else in any other way. I think they are sacred and cherished (even is the cherishing comes later) experiences. That said, I'll just add that my favorite lyric is "unabashedly bawling your eyes out." Cruising on into 11 weeks of crazy hormones, I'm getting to be the queen of that!
I also love this song. It was released when I was pregnant with my oldest, and so it is part of the soundtrack for that time in my life, and couldn't have more appropriate lyrics (for me, for that time).
James: You are talking to the person who has on any number of occasions cried so intensely that I saw flickering stars and later discovered a whole Milky Way of freckle bruises running across my face, like some spacy eye mask. I know all about getting that venting job done! It's better than an ulcer.
Jenny: You just gave me a good idea for a writing prompt. "Come up with a playlist that works as a soundtrack for an important time in your life and elaborate on the whats and the whys." Okay, that could be said better, but it's a likable idea. I'd love thinking and writing about this and also reading about this. Want to play?
Absolutely. What do I do?
Jenny: "Come up with a playlist that works as a soundtrack for an important time in your life and elaborate on the whats and the whys."--You choose the time or times, the songs, come up with a little in the way of why the songs are connected to those times, and simply share. That's all. You could share here, or on your blog, and/or via iTunes if you want to make a real downloadable list. Do you have iTunes? I always have to dumb my way through the process--I can never remember quite how, but it's not too tough.
Janet: Me? Do something that actually makes money? You're kidding, right?
Thanks for the rah rah. You left that coment on the very morning I was considering ditching this blog. Funny how a little sweetness can make you want to stay a few minutes longer. xo
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