I had a dream a few days before Christmas that has been working on my mind ever since then, demanding some analysis:
I had a little itch down deep in my right ear. I wiggled my index finger down into the ear canal and discovered that there was a quarter- to a half-inch of earwax levelled off inside, filling it up. In my mind's eye I could see it: two-toned with a transparent and an opaque part, resembling hot candle wax that's beginning to cool, but it was still soft. I was very surprised. I thought, 'Well, my left ear must be in the same condition,' but when I investigated with another finger, I found that my left ear canal was clear.
I have had lots of thoughts about this quick visual, and so far what I've come up with is that I am not hearing the "right" things. Just as seeing with only one eye ruins depth perception, hearing with just one ear spoils a fullness of sound, robs perspective. What comes into the mind is flat, in mono rather than in stereo. So I'm missing input from the "right" source, which I think at this point is true of me; for a long time I've really been struggling to accept myself on some essential levels. I know I should, but "should" doesn't automatically lead to "do". It's a project. Anyway, the dream is hopeful, I think, because it demonstrates that this blockage is one that is pliable and easy to remove, and that the hearing loss isn't because there is something deeper that's causing the problem--only that more attention needs to be given to keeping the channel free. And it was a small itch from beneath the problem that prompted the discovery and called for action. I need to clear the way so I can listen with my whole self, and hear all the wonderful "right" things.