Climbing, clean

Brutal day, excellent day. A serious climb. There's so much to say, but I feel deeply quiet now at the end of it all. More tomorrow, maybe. 

But there is this: Thanks, Diane O., for praying to keep me safe on the road to Salt Lake and back. I'm  giving you some of the credit for the fact that our meeting was canceled and we didn't have travel, but instead were able to join our incredible neighbors at the temple. Way to represent, Diane!

I'm going to my sleep tonight grateful for love, and for the renewal of my belief that no one is forgotten. Not a soul at any time or in any place is forgotten. All are known by name and by heart, and loved.

The rest can wait. Goodnight.

I'm Looking for a Miracle a Day

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” --Alexander Graham Bell

My miracle today came after a treasured door was closed and locked in my face: a new door of opportunity was flung wide open, and two beautiful people stepped into my world, bearing gifts of kindness and friendship. One of the pair reminded me to look for a miracle each day and keep a record as they collect.

Good people. Good miracle. I will be satisfied and I'm not going to let myself stare sad holes into the old door. I'm moving with the moments.

Thanks, friends.

Flower shower

Today is June Roses Day. My third. Your third too, though you might only be learning about it now. Don't despair if you didn't celebrate it today; as creator of the holiday I give you leave to make up for lost time in the coming days. Extend it, if you like. June Roses Day, like Christmas, really could be kept all year long to great advantage. Do your homework; click the link above and begin to explore your options. Then plant, tend, pick, or press your beautiful roses. Remember, remember them.

I had intended to spend some time today reminiscing about the Provo Tabernacle, which was completely gutted this week by a terrible fire, a whirlwind of a fire. That's still on this week's schedule, but my day was taken up entirely by meetings and appointments, and by time spent with one very sick husband (mine, in case you're wondering). That's alright. I had some good moments today—most importantly, I had a deeply and sweetly surreal experience which let me know that I am lovingly remembered by someone who means the world and more to me. This isn't the time to elaborate on the particulars of that, but I know I will share here some of my processing about it when the hour's not so late and the talking feels right. I just wanted to send out a quiet thank you to the powers that be for showering me with some beautiful roses which I will remember and cherish all my life.

Here's an abbreviated grateful list for the day:

• a snooze button
• oatmeal
• a clean house (or part of one)
• being okay with slept-on hair
• epiphany: music works like water
• our ward choir's beautiful rendition of "O, Holy Night"
• watching a family begin a tradition of worshipping together
• knowing when to miss class to listen to a friend
• the sweetness of this
• a stranger's warm smile
• being busy all day with people busy caring for people
• high-grading the bishop's candy stash
• being thanked
• being trusted
• Gingerbread Moose Munch
• other people's barbecue
• the fun of being pestered by an impish long-time friend (I'm talking to you, Ray.)
• sharing faith
• sharing Christmas
• sacred songs of the season
• talk time
• fresh carrot-orange juice
• Henry Van Dyke
• Rob's Christmas song (so so very)

How to Dine Alone

Menu:

• Black Bean Soup (freeze-dried from the health food store is okay if you don't have time to make it from scratch)
• Geo's Cast Iron Polenta Bread (see recipe below)
• Rough Cut Salad (fresh red and green tomatoes, radish, cilantro, green onion, red cabbage, and/or anything else you have growing or just lurking in the fridge—toss with lime juice and salt)
• Cheddar (sharp)
• Dessert (freestyle, optional)

Solo Steps:

• Prepare food carefully as if you're expecting someone important (because you are). Don't cut corners.
• Clean off your table.
• Set out your nicest dishes, a full spread. No plastic, paper, or styrofoam. No eating from pots or Rubbermaid.
• If you have fabric napkins, fold one for yourself.
• Knife, fork, spoon.
• Fill your glass and have a pitcher of the beverage of your choice (water is good) nearby.
• Put on some music you enjoy. Pandora.com is always a good choice. I can recommend the Emiliana Torrini station as highly digestible.
• Light some candles.
• Give thanks and ask God for a blessing on your food, and on yourself.
• See yourself as an interesting friend. Talk with yourself. Keep the conversation cheerful and positive. Appreciate yourself for making such a nice meal.
• Drink lots of water.
• Keep the cheese knife busy. This is not the time for food guilt.
• Pay attention and enjoy the experience.
• Do the dishes later.

For Further Study of the Art of Being Alone:
Here's a video that good Suzanne shared with me this week. Hope you'll feel as validated and inspired by it as I do—

Geo's Cast Iron Polenta Bread
3 tablespoons butter
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup cornmeal (coarse polenta grind)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
2 tablespoons sugar
2 eggs
2 cups buttermilk

Set your oven at 375. Put butter into a cast iron pan and set the pan on the oven's middle rack; allow it to heat along with the oven while you mix the batter.

In a medium bowl, combine all the dry ingredients. In a small bowl, beat the eggs and mix them with the buttermilk. Now whisk the wet into the dry.

When the oven reaches 375, take the pan from the oven and pour in the batter. Hustle the pan back into the oven and bake for 30 minutes.

Cut into 8 or more wedges and enjoy.

Human Beans, Indigestion

Do this:

Go to Pandora.
Scroll down and click on "Genre Stations."
Select "Latin."
Then select "Mexican."

Now you can celebrate Cinco de Mayo with me while doing your day's work.

Sick at my stomach. Umpteenth day.
Nerves.
Adoption orientation/intake in a few hours. Step one.
Budgeting.
Paperwork.
Self-doubt.
Kneeling. Praying.
Pep talk.
Pepto-Bismol?
Aiee!
Couldn't eat a taco now if I tried.

¡Gracias al cielo de Pandora!

And gracias to our dear ones who are sending prayers and happy thoughts our way.

P.S. Thanks to you-know-who for paying more than we asked for the guitar amp. You are sneaky and crazy and we love you.

Wonderful roses

This one's for my everything—

Thanks, sweetheart, and you know the what-fors. At least some of them.

One deadline down, one to go. But no end to us. xo



(Doncha just love Ben Abraham?)

That man o' mine, he would sail on

I'm sorry this day was so tough for you to navigate, Cap'n. We've got to find a way to get you into your true element(s). You've been landlocked too long.

With love,

First Mate