A Thesaurus Is a Girl's Best Friend

An experiment. In as few words as possible, encapsulate your biggest fear or torment. If you, like I do, find yourself fighting terrible battles with personal demons, try carefully turning your mind during some quieter moment to the taunts they consistently shout into your ears as they seek to wear you down. They are liars, but listen to them long enough to comprehend what they wish you to believe about yourself. Don't dwell here any longer than you need to identify their theme; the point is not to let them persuade you they're right. You're probably already half in agreement with them anyway.

Do you have some words in mind? Are they of a family? Can you consolidate them further? I came up with my own last night, one toxic theme to rule them all. When I feel my weariest and smallest, the lingering word on my lips seems to always be WASTE. It's the horror of my life. If I was standing at those proverbial pearly gates and was been given the opportunity to admit myself via the honor system, this would be the one curse of a word I might stupidly say to banish myself from heaven, if I allowed myself to listen to the rotten peanut gallery, who would surely be hiding behind some nearby (non-burning) bush, prompting me, as if I couldn't think or speak for myself—and hoping I'd forget that I could. 

Bullies. Cowards.

Here's what you do. Take that black magic word of yours to the best thesaurus you can find. Explore all your word's possible shades of meaning. Live with them, feel them, let yourself comprehend which ones "fit" your fears. Acknowledge how this word affects you, how it directs your beliefs. Keep in mind that there are underlying needs at stake here that want attending to. Your demons have amplified their accusations of you so you'll look where they want you to look: at the stagnant bleakness of self-condemnation rather than the bright opportunity for healing and growth. 

Taking notes helps.

Now look for the antonyms for your word. There should be a few listed along with the synonyms. Dig deeper; one by one, take the synonyms that resonated with your darkness, look them up, and hunt until you discover their beautiful hopeful opposites. These are to be your medicines. Don't leave any out. This new list of words will uplift you as you concentrate on them. Feel them. Imagine them. See yourself living fluently with them. Make healthy plans. Take more notes. Pray for help in establishing this new vocabulary in your mind and heart. 

Stop paying attention to the jerks in the bushes, the life-mucking voices in your head. Invest in some earplugs. Choose not to engage and let the war go on without you. Read your thesaurus. Listen for better words. Listen to a better spirit.

WASTE conserve, flourish, thrive, manage, make good use of, save, keep, preserve, protect, save, safeguard, look after, sustain, prolong, perpetuate, store, reserve, husband, flourish, grow, thrive, prosper, do well, burgeon, increase, multiply, proliferate, spring up, shoot up, bloom, blossom, bear fruit, burst forth, run riot, be in good health, be vigorous, be in its heyday; progress, make progress, advance, make headway, develop, improve, evolve, make strides, move forward (in leaps and bounds), expand, be in the pink, go places, go great guns, get somewhere, mushroom, succeed, boom, wanted, moderation, restraint, necessary, essential, restore, worthwhile, usable, profitable, cultivated, fertile, vibrant, habitable, in good repair, livable, settled, tame, calm, tidy, civilized, disciplined, considered, sensible, practical, hospitable, temperate, look after, nurture, provident, valuable, fullness.

How to Dine Alone

Menu:

• Black Bean Soup (freeze-dried from the health food store is okay if you don't have time to make it from scratch)
• Geo's Cast Iron Polenta Bread (see recipe below)
• Rough Cut Salad (fresh red and green tomatoes, radish, cilantro, green onion, red cabbage, and/or anything else you have growing or just lurking in the fridge—toss with lime juice and salt)
• Cheddar (sharp)
• Dessert (freestyle, optional)

Solo Steps:

• Prepare food carefully as if you're expecting someone important (because you are). Don't cut corners.
• Clean off your table.
• Set out your nicest dishes, a full spread. No plastic, paper, or styrofoam. No eating from pots or Rubbermaid.
• If you have fabric napkins, fold one for yourself.
• Knife, fork, spoon.
• Fill your glass and have a pitcher of the beverage of your choice (water is good) nearby.
• Put on some music you enjoy. Pandora.com is always a good choice. I can recommend the Emiliana Torrini station as highly digestible.
• Light some candles.
• Give thanks and ask God for a blessing on your food, and on yourself.
• See yourself as an interesting friend. Talk with yourself. Keep the conversation cheerful and positive. Appreciate yourself for making such a nice meal.
• Drink lots of water.
• Keep the cheese knife busy. This is not the time for food guilt.
• Pay attention and enjoy the experience.
• Do the dishes later.

For Further Study of the Art of Being Alone:
Here's a video that good Suzanne shared with me this week. Hope you'll feel as validated and inspired by it as I do—

Geo's Cast Iron Polenta Bread
3 tablespoons butter
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup cornmeal (coarse polenta grind)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
2 tablespoons sugar
2 eggs
2 cups buttermilk

Set your oven at 375. Put butter into a cast iron pan and set the pan on the oven's middle rack; allow it to heat along with the oven while you mix the batter.

In a medium bowl, combine all the dry ingredients. In a small bowl, beat the eggs and mix them with the buttermilk. Now whisk the wet into the dry.

When the oven reaches 375, take the pan from the oven and pour in the batter. Hustle the pan back into the oven and bake for 30 minutes.

Cut into 8 or more wedges and enjoy.