25 August 2009

Thank you, mamm.

A couple nights ago I dreamed that—
I looked into a mirror and noticed a grain of sleep in the corner of my left eye. I rubbed it away and it was yellow, like maybe I had a bit of an infection. I leaned in closer to the mirror to get a better look and pulled my eyelid open, out to the side. Hiding next to my eyeball, I saw a large mass, maybe an inch across. It was a strange smooth green, not a friendly-looking sort of thing. I stretched my eyelid open even more and turned it almost inside out as I pushed the thing out with my fingers. It fell into the sink. Looking deeply into my own eye again, I felt satisfied there was nothing left of the infection. It had all come out at once.
I thought about the dream a long time and hoped it was a sign that soon I would get a report from my surgeon saying that I am now clear, and that I don't have to worry any longer about a malignancy. I've also been playing around with another interpretation: that something infectious and hidden has been threatening my vision, but a recent discovery has brought it to light, and I am able to rid myself of the danger, though the process is an unusual stretch. I imagine the answer is a hybrid of those two ideas.

I can claim that because we just got word a little while ago about my pathology report: BENIGN.

BENIGN! BENIGN! BENIGN!

I want to thank you, dear Bucket Brigade, for all your kindness and love and prayers and good thoughts and support. Thank you for indulging me and for patiently reading a few too many emails about a problem that was far less heavy than some of what you are presently dealing with. You are good people, the best. I love you. Thank you for extending your friendship and faith in our behalf. I've learned a lot from you.

I have to tell you this. There was a time early on, when I started receiving some responses to my initial call for prayers, etc.—it was that Saturday when we fasted for help—that I felt something I'd never felt before, and it was about you. I could FEEL the energies you were investing in Rob and me, via your prayers, anxious and hopeful thoughts, and whatever ways you chose to be with us. My heart was moved in a new way. I don't know how to describe correctly the thing that happened inside me, except to say that I prayed for you too that weekend, for every one of you, as well as for the ones I would never know were enlisted in the Brigade. I asked God to bless you in your heartaches and troubles and dreams, and—here's the interesting part—I asked him to bless you forever for the love you were sending and would send our way through this scary blink of time. (How, how, how can I say that so it comes across to you as big as what I felt and still feel? Augh! Words are such a bother sometimes.) There will never come a day when I stop appreciating the sweet fine gifts of encouragement and compassion you've shared with us, whether I actually heard or read them or whether you kept them quiet and private. Every day as long as I exist someplace those energies will be important to me, and will be part of who I am and what propels me forward. Your gifts are never-ending. It kind of blows my mind. Even if next year some of you disown me (please don't) or worse (don't), what you created for me/us in our vulnerable time will continue to be. Am I making sense? It was the greatest feeling to have the sense of one giant round of concern circling, to pray for you while you were praying for me. I'm still praying for you.

So. So there.

Did you hear? It's BENIGN! (Good job, Brigade.)

P.S. Clarification for a few people who expressed confusion about the details of surgery, etc.—The alien mass inside me was right up against my chest wall and that made it impossible for the surgeon to do a simple biopsy. I didn't have a mastectomy; I had kind of a two-in-one operation; the surgeon opened me up and took out the mass and surrounding tissues, and sent it to the lab for analysis. Since he had to go in like that just to do the initial biopsy it made sense to try to remove the entire problem on the first go in order to hopefully avoid a second surgery if the biopsy came back malignant. Does that make more sense than whatever I said the first time? Bottom line for now: NO malignancy, NO second operation. Just vigilant mammograms from here on out. (Oh, joy.)

49 comments:

Jessie said...

I am so, so, so happy for you. And relieved. And happy.

Chemical Billy said...

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

La Yen said...

Yes yes yes!

Geo said...

Jessie, you know what this means? BUNCO!

tmso said...

Praise God! He answered all our prayers. We serve an awesome God!

Geo said...

Billy: HUZZAH! WHOOP! BRACKETY-AX-CO-AX-CO-AX!

La Yen: Prettiest words in the English language!

TMSO: You got that right. And he's got some pretty awesome children too. Love you!

Kalli Ko said...

Wooot!!! Benign is good on the ears.

Jenny Mauro said...

Oh, big sigh of RELIEF!!!! Life will never be the same now Georgia. If even possible, it will be more beautiful!!!! l,j

Geo said...

Kalli: Good on the bustline too!

Geo said...

Jenny: I KNOW you are right! xoxoxo

b. said...

Prayers Be Answered!!

YAY!!

This news is so good!

Rynell said...

I am overjoyed to hear this!

Geo said...

b.: And you b. a key player. Thanks, friend.

Geo said...

Rynell: It really does make for a beautiful day!

Jamie said...

Oh, wow! I am so happy! Just what I needed to hear today! Hallelujah! As my girls said this morning when they got to go for a walk AND get a treat at teh grocery store AND help me make a special back-to-school dinner, "This is the best day ever!" Almost....:)

Geo said...

James: It's the best LIFE ever. I've got to always remember that!

Becca said...

Hoo.Ray! The best news.

xoxo

(Remind me to tell you of another dream I had recently.)

Becca said...

p.s., Jamie's comment reminds me of something Daffodil said to me coming home Sat. night, "it's a lucky life."

Amy said...

I'm trying to think of some beautiful way of saying how happy I am, but I can't. So I'll just say, I'm so so so so happy!!!

Geo said...

Becca: I think I need a t-shirt or maybe a wall print of Daffodilly's latest wisdom. She's right! Naturally, I can't wait to hear your dream. Don't forget! xoxoxoxo

Geo said...

Amy: That was all the beautiful I need!

Elizabeth said...

Perfect news!

Just perfect.

We can all sing some joy today.

Elizabeth-W said...

Congratulations! Wonderful, wonderful news!!!

dalene said...

over the moon happy for you. for all of us who love you so.

i know firsthand how lovely that word benign (although it may sometimes seem a bit of a misnomer after you have been cut up) sounds.

i also have felt the energy that comes from the love and prayers and simple acts of service on the part of loved ones. it's a miracle and a beauty to behold in and of itself.

oh happy day!

(now speedy recovery to you!)

leelee said...

We (Deb & I) read your blog today and both of us are so happy and pleased for you and Rob. Please take good care of yourself. I want to come to Utah and go through the Temple with you as we did almost three years ago. We love you.

Queen Scarlett said...

Perfect!!!

Azúcar said...

I can exhale now.

Emily Anne said...

it IS the best life ever. we've all got to remember that.

So happy about this news.

Geo said...

Elizabeth—Often seems like a long way between perfect moments, but when one comes everything else melts away for a while. A mercy, a moment of grace. The trick is remembering. In a way I'm glad I'll have a visual reminder to help me with that part.

EW—Thank you. I like having something truly good to announce!

Dalene—You really do understand—you've been there and you've taken it all in. It's a knowledge that changes you. Changed for the better.

And I am recovering. Just this morning, to try to combat the darkness I was feeling, I tried my first post-op sun salutation. It was not textbook yoga by any means, but it was a way to hopefully invite the return of light. And then it arrived!

Lee & Deb—I'm so glad to know you've been here with me too. I love youse too! I will gladly go to the temple with you, just name the day.

Queenie—Ain't it just? xoxo

Azucar—For me too! And some very mindful deep breathing. Sounds as lovely as a faraway train whistle.

Emily Anne—Thank you! I wish there was a remembrance vitamin or something I could take to help me keep the right things in mind. Do you happen to know of one?

~j. said...

Oh! Tears and smiles and warm(s) and happy and ... oh, good. Love you.

Melody said...

Thinking about you today and finally checked my e-mail. .. joy, joy! And easy breathing.

Love you - (in every condition, in sickness, in health, in poverty's bands or abounding in wealth . ..)

You're wonderful. I feel blessed to know you. God is good.

Geo said...

~j.: I could hear you saying that in my head, and I just love you. Thanks for the warm(s).

Melody: It was the same with your comment; I could hear your voice—balanced, funny, real. I love you too.

How is you're all such amazing people? Why have I ever wasted a moment of my life being a hermit?

Gary said...

A deep and quiet smile from my heart to you and Rob. And a hug too.

wendysue said...

Now THAT is a good news minute I can get behind!!!! Sweet, sweet relief.

Sister Pottymouth said...

What a joyous relief!!! I'm so happy for you and Rob! (I can sleep happily now. I hope you will too, forever more.)

Joe the Potter said...

It was always benign. By that I mean it was a gift from your Father and Savior to show you how much you are loved. The fact that it is not gong to exit you from this sphere is very nice too.

Anonymous said...

A little dance of happiness in the Zeuf household on your behalf--whoo-hooo!!

pflower10 said...

Oh man, I am so happy for you. What a great piece of good news!

Allison said...

This was the best news I could have heard about today. YEAH!!!!

Jennifer B. said...

So happy!

Geo said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you, friends! And hey, Joe, you sure made a good point, and I'll be thinking about the word benign in this sense for a long time to come.

cindy said...

Good news! We are glad it was benign. Our family loves you. You are a jewel on this earth.

Geo said...

Cindy, I wouldn't want to remain on the planet without the Butchers.

sandrajlawson@hotmail.com said...

We are so very happy for you! Such a sigh of relief!

Geo said...

Yep, the sigh heard 'round my world. Feel that breeze? It's me.

Wendy McDonagh-Valentine said...

Hi there. I just recently found your blog and I've been checking in to see how you have been doing. I am so very happy that you got good news. My sister was diagnosed with stage lV colon cancer spread to her liver last year at the age of 34. She has undergone treatments and surgeries and, I am so happy to say, has no sign of cancer in her body as of the last PET scan almost two months ago. It's going to be one day at a time for the rest of her life but she is doing well and enjoying her two young children. We truly don't appreciate good health until we feel what it's like to have it compromised. God bless you!! : )

~ Wendy
http://Crickleberrycottage.blogspot.com/

john said...

Great News Georgia!

Good luck winning the skirt.

JBobo

c jane said...

I had a good feeling about this.

(Was it the Red Apple Cottage perhaps?)

Yay Geo!

swedemom said...

I am crying tears of joy in your behalf. And feeling profound gratitude.